While my friends were excited planning out the rest of their lives and getting ready to go off to college, I was planning my suicide.

The pain of living had reached a breaking point and I was trying desperately to hang on while losing hope.

Humor and a smile were the masks I wore to cover up the brokenness I felt inside.

Christmas Eve 2007 was my biggest suicide attempt. Thankfully I passed out from OD’ing on the anti-anxiety pills I had taken and wasn’t able to complete the process.

In that moment, I cried out to a God I wasn’t even sure existed and begged if He were real, to show me. I realized when the fear of actually dying hit me, that it wasn’t what I really wanted, but rather, to be free from the pain in my life.

My hopes & dreams that I had forgotten about flashed before my eyes and a spark remained.

I made a pact with God that I would give Him until I was 21 to give me just one reason to live, otherwise I’d end my pain on my 21st bday.

Instead, I found out I was pregnant shortly before my 20th birthday.

I gave birth to my son Gavin in April 2008. I celebrated my 21st starting with friends and ending at midnight rocking my precious child, my One Reason, in my arms, smiling while tears of gratitude slipped down my cheeks at what I would have missed out on if I’d taken my own life…

Life wasn’t easy.

There was still a ton of pain, the only real difference was that I got to hold my Reason to live in my hands and I was solely responsible for him as a single mother.

Trying to get out of a bad situation and live on our own, living below the poverty line and not being able to find a solid job that wouldn’t force me to compromise my son’s well-being, the entrepreneur roots began to grow.

I tried and failed. I had zero business strategy and I was terrible at socialization and being charismatic. My own issues were prevalent with severe social anxiety, panic attacks, & agoraphobia. It made building a business from home with nothing very hard.

I made the best of what I had and never stopped fighting for a better life for me and my son. Trying to go to college online and bombing. No sleep. No breaks. Drowning and depression in a way I had never known it before. At one point, I realized it had been at least 6 months since I had laughed, maybe even smiled, so I vowed to myself - for my son -  to begin infusing laughter into our daily lives no matter what. The birth of silliness as a rule began.

Then, a man saw me. A spark. We married in 2014. It wasn’t happily ever after, but it was a whole new chapter with more pain and began my journey to healing and wholeness.

Our Elijah was born. The little baby I had been longing for since his big brother was about 2. I had always wanted a big family with lots of kids. I finally had him in my arms, but… it was far from perfect or that dream second chance I was longing for and thought I had gotten.

Exhaustion, feeling lonelier than ever and on my own despite being married, a baby that wouldn’t sleep and I couldn’t soothe… I felt like a failure and it was a tumultuous time.

My mental, emotional, and physical health was spiraling and I was trying to juggle it all with no resources and no real help.

It was more Crying-out-to-God moments in extreme desperation.

I was about to snap, in every way. Something HAD to give. I was desperately open to any answers as everything in my life was a struggle and getting worse each day.

Everything I had previously tried didn’t work. My last resort that I was avoiding was seeking medical worldly help, aka going against what I knew in my gut wasn’t right, but I didn’t feel I had any other choice. And then…

I got introduced to essential oils by reading a testimony of improved health by someone I knew. I had been longing to support my kids naturally and help my own health but had no idea how to switch over to natural in a safe way. I had just enough money to invest in the essential oils starter kit, but it was also a lot of money to us at the time. It was honestly one of the best investments I’ve ever made.

There was a huge learning curve, but I started getting immediate results that were mind-blowing. From pain, to relaxation, immune system support, to, the real kicker, my emotional and mental state.

I was convinced with many different personal examples how they DID work, now I wanted to know WHY, and that propelled me on a journey to almost obsessively research, study, and learn as much as I possible could about these natural products that were truly life-changing and giving me relief when nothing else had worked.

I went to conferences and got in the room with amazing resources I had previously known nothing about. In short, it started me on the path to whole wellness that I am on now, with the gateway being holistic natural health.

I also had reached a hard line in some relationships with family members. I couldn’t live with the effects anymore and learned that what I had been going through since I was a kid was Narcissist Abuse & severe Gaslighting.

After much prayer and time, I knew I had to go No Contact with two of the worst offenders, and I did. For my kids and for the little girl still inside of me that had no one to look out for her. I finally started stepping up to be HER advocate and do what no one else had, protect her like I was protecting my own kids.

I started sharing about the essential oil as I wanted everyone to experience what I had, to have some HOPE back in their lives, I also needed to learn more and finally had a way to start taking care of myself and my family.

I also saw a way to make a little money while staying home with my kids and doing something I loved and believed in.

I joined programs to learn as much as I possibly could to equip myself to care for my own massive issues and my family.

I became a Certified Aroma Freedom Technique Practitioner and a Certified Raindrop Technique Specialist in close succession in 2018, both amazing holistic healing modalities utilizing essential oils. Aroma Freedom being more for the emotional/mental side, and Raindrop doing all, but primarily for physical health.

The passion was ignited in me as I experienced phenomenal  healing experiences and HAD to share this with others so they too could feel what I was feeling.

That led me to know that Business was the only way to effectively and properly do that. I had to learn more as well as grow more to be able to share.

In the middle of my own mess, I suddenly had an inner drive that propelled me out of bed in the morning and had me doing crazy things despite the panic attacks and severe social anxiety, like writing and delivering a class on my own in front of medical professionals.

Terrifying!!! But, I did it.

I continued with C.A.R.E. training and got as far as I could go until I realized I wanted and need the whole education on holistic natural health, not just on essential oils.

I was so excited to learn there was even more that could help me and my family beyond just one thing. I began acquiring training and progressing in certifications, knowing that Traditional Naturopath was a professional vehicle for my desire to help others with their own holistic and natural healing.

Through the essential oils, I was also introduced to Oola, an amazing company and message for creating a well-balanced life of nourishment and learning how to effectively manage all the most important areas of life.

Oola helped me dream again, dream even bigger, and practically start to take control of my life in simple ways. It taught me how to “adult” with a plan, and it was so awesome I jumped when they opened up their certification program.

I officially become an Oola Life Coach, then another certification through their financial plan, Green Gap. The pieces were slowly coming together.

I took the leap and officially became an LLC. The Vine Wellness was born! More studying, more trial and error, much more healing.

It felt big, so much bigger than me and never what I would have thought I’d be doing. It was small, as my main priority was still raising my kids, but I was growing and healing right along with my business.

I had some massive setbacks and had to restore my whole health and course-correct a few times and in the upcoming years.

Each of those experiences made me even more determined that I was on the right path, and it was truly about making it a lifestyle.

I was starting to get my life back on track and was excited for all the potential ahead when I was faced with a serious and massive health crisis that shook everything and left me barely functioning in excruciating pain the majority of the time.

It took many months of living moment-by-moment, fighting fear and tons of mental work to overcome through the fog of physical pain and limitations, fear of the future and the ‘What It?’, but I leaned into all that had been building up to that moment.

I realized I finally got to put into practice, in real time, with the stakes the highest possible, to live out what I had been studying and professed to believe.

Treating myself as a client and writing out the simplified steps to healing, the Seven Stages to Wholeness was born.

While other areas of my life had to get pruned and excavate deeply toxic roots, Crystal Wholeness began to grow and shine with more clarity and humble determination than ever before.

I was healed enough, in all ways, to fully step forward, authentically aligned, and help guide others through the crazy journey I had been on, and still am.

Everything, the time, money, pain, tears, doubts, frustrations, fights, etc. all led up to this moment in time when the world was needing more help than before and in a different, gentler, and more authentic way.

Everything that made me so different than before, was now what helped me to shine and be more whole.

Online platform, sustainable business, podcast, books, speaking engagements, deepening 1:1 clients while expanding to reach even more through groups and online resources, I am finally on my own path to Wholeness and I invite you on this journey with me.